Is This Love? Teen Tips for Romance and Dating

Love can take you to new highs -- and new lows. You may have the strongest feelings of your life, which is great when things are good. But if things go bad, it’s devastating. Here are six dating tips to help you keep your head during this exciting time.

Dating Tip 1: Take Your Time

Some teens date, some don’t. “Girls need to feel good about themselves before they start to date,” says Charles Wibbelsman, MD, chief of adolescent medicine at Kaiser Permanente in San Francisco. His advice: only date if you know yourself and know you want to date. If you’re not ready, it’s cool to stay single and hang out with your close friends.

Dating Tip 2: Find Someone Who Likes You Back

Feelings that aren’t returned can make you question everything about yourself. Did you say something wrong? Were you wearing the wrong things? In a healthy relationship, the feelings are mutual. You respect each other and have fun together. If this doesn’t describe your situation, there’s nothing wrong with you, but you probably do need to keep looking.

Dating Tip 3: Know When to Move On

Sometimes you have to admit it, the relationship isn’t working. Maybe the love of your life has turned mean and selfish. Maybe you realize you want something better. “If a boyfriend doesn’t give you what you need, walk away,” says Danielle Greaves, MSW, who works with girls at The Guidance Center in Cambridge, Mass. She tells girls all the time, “It hurts now, but you can get through this.”

Dating Tip 4: Talk About Facebook Before You Talk on Facebook

Social media puts the ups and downs of dating out there for everyone to see. If you like a guy or he likes you, it’s perfectly OK to ask him not to post things about you online, including pictures. Some things don’t have to be shared with the whole world. 

Dating Tip 5: Protect Yourself From Pressure

Pressure is not love, and it’s not even normal. Most teens say they’ve never felt pressured to be in a relationship before they were ready. Still, a little mental preparation never hurts. Decide ahead of time what your values are and how far you want to go. That way, you won’t have to figure it out in the heat of the moment.

Here are a few concrete things you can do to keep yourself out of the pressure chamber:

Avoid situations where a guy might expect more than you want to give.   

Go out with boys close to your age. Girls who go out with older guys are more likely to have sex before they’re ready.

Dating Tip 6: Give Love Time to Grow

Sometimes the idea of love is better than love itself. How do you know if you’re really in love?

If you’re infatuated, need constant reassurance, and have trouble thinking about anything else, these are signs you’re not really in love. It’s fun for now, but in time you’ll probably feel disappointed.   

Mature love grows stronger with time. The more you get to know each other, the stronger your feelings. And you don’t have to be someone you’re not. You like each other for who you truly are. If you’re like most people, finding mature love takes more than one try, but it’s definitely worth it.

will of the wind

Cheating, But Not Leaving : What Do Therapists Say?

Kourtney used to say that if her husband ever cheated on her, she’d “leave him in a heartbeat.” But after she got a hold of her husband’s laptop one night and found eight graphic selfies that another woman had sent to him, things didn't seem so black-and-white. Oh, she was furious about what turned out to be an affair, and even “took the wedding photo off the wall and threw it across the kitchen, and shattered glass went everywhere.” Yet Kourtney, who only wants to use her first name, didn't leave.

 “She  has chosen  to stay.”

Despite all the chatter about the death of monogamy, some couples are deciding to remain married — even after one spouse cheats on the other. According to a recent study by researchers at Indiana University, nearly 1 in 5 women and almost 1 in 4 men in monogamous relationships reported having cheated.

 It’s unclear exactly how many knew that their significant other strayed, though infidelity rates have held fairly steady over time — while divorce rates peaked in the 1980s. These days, couples and therapists say, infidelity is much more survivable than many of us think.

Both partners often show symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

As Kourtney discovered, gadgets like smartphones and tablets have certainly made it easier to slip a sexy pic someone’s way and facilitate a steamy affair. But they’ve also made it easier (for some, at least) to find an incriminating email, text message or online dating profile. “It’s not that the affairs happen more or less, but they certainly are uncovered more,” says Jay Lebow, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

People generally also want to have better relationships, and they tend to talk more about them, Lebow says, so they’re more likely to ask questions if a partner becomes distant. Hence all those questions about that new Facebook friend.

But what happens when someone stays after a loved one strays?

 Both partners often show symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, says Kristina Coop Gordon, a professor of psychology at the University of Tennessee, who — along with colleagues Donald H. Baucom and Douglas K. Snyder — developed the first empirically tested method for treating couples in this situation.

Betrayed spouses typically experience symptoms common among people who've suffered physical trauma, including flashbacks and numbness, while betrayers may feel anxiety provoked by the thought that they’re not actually the person they thought they were, says Gordon.

What’s realistic is to move to a point where it doesn’t dominate your life …

A growing group of therapists is now working to help couples recognize and process these different feelings when one partner drifts but the couple decides to stick it out together. One change they’ve noticed in recent years is how much people tend to expect from their partners — and how much it can hurt when they learn of their spouse’s cheating ways.

 “We tend to want our partner to be everything — our best friend, our confidant, our lover, our financial partner,” says Elana Katz, a family therapist and senior faculty member at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York. But most people have fewer confidants today than they did in the past, and because expectations are higher, when an affair comes to light, it can be very alarming, Katz says.

Gordon and her colleagues focus on getting betrayed partners to forgive — but not necessarily forget. “There’s no way in heck that you will look back on the affair and feel happy about it or even not feel angry about it,” Gordon says.

 “What’s realistic is to move to a point where it doesn’t dominate your life and you don’t hold it over the other person.” She’s also working on a program designed to spark the kind of soul-searching discussions an affair tends to provoke — before an affair ever happens.

Certainly, not everyone can get past an affair. Just ask Katherine Eisold Miller. The New York City-based collaborative divorce attorney estimates that infidelity has been a factor in as many as half of the divorces she has worked on throughout her 28-year career.

Most divorces are difficult, of course, but when one partner has been unfaithful, “there’s an edge in the discussions that wouldn’t otherwise be there,” Miller says.

Holly Sox could have ended up in one of those contentious proceedings. But after discovering that her husband, Mike, had had an affair a few years ago, the South Carolina resident says that a combination of therapy, their faith and advice from couples  helped them build a stronger relationship.

 In fact, they have even renewed their wedding vows. “The worst day I’ve had in the last three years,” says Sox, “is still better than the best day we had before.”

source : OZY.com

The brain may be forgetful because of Alzheimer, but Never the heart

Man with Alzheimers proves the heart always remembers: Melvyn Amrine

Police Found This Alzheimer's Patient Wandering, But What He Was Actually Doing Would make you cry

It's common for husbands to sometimes forget their spouse's birthday or Mother's Day, but when you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it's particularly rough. When you can't remember the name of your loved ones, it's hard to be expected to remember special dates, but sometimes things change.

Melvyn is living with Alzheimer's, but recently he gave his wife the surprise of her life. Go grab a tissue and take a look. This is what happens when love becomes an instinct.

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Love has No Labels

Along with a few tears and gratitude, this video has absolutely made my day…mostly becauses there are people out there doing these incredible kinds of video’s to show how basic and simple love should be.

At the end of the day, we are meant to accept each other, support each other and see nothing but the person for who they are…we are meant to love each other. We are not made to see gender, race, disability, age, religion, or sexuality. This Love Has No Labels campaign was made to challenge us to open our eyes to our bias and prejudice and work to stop it in ourselves, our friends, our families, and our colleagues.

View this Video : 

What do Medicine says of Love: How do we fall in Love?

When do you know if you fancy someone? What does love do to your brain chemicals, and is falling in love just nature's way to keep our species alive?

We call it love. It feels like love. But the most exhilarating of all human emotions is probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing.

With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. We believe we’re choosing a partner. But we may merely be the happy victims of nature’s lovely plan.
It’s not what you say...
Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.
Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather
• 55% is through body language
• 38% is the tone and speed of their voice
• Only 7% is through what they say

The 3 stages of love 
Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in the States has proposed 3 stages of love – lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage might be driven by different hormones and chemicals.

Stage 1: Lust 
This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women.

Stage 2: Attraction 
This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage; adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.

Adrenaline 
The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry.

Dopamine 

Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!

Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship” .

Serotonin 

And finally, serotonin. One of love's most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.
Does love change the way you think?

A landmark experiment in Pisa, Italy showed that early love (the attraction phase) really changes the way you think.
Dr Donatella Marazziti, a psychiatrist at the University of Pisa advertised for twenty couples who'd been madly in love for less than six months. She wanted to see if the brain mechanisms that cause you to constantly think about your lover, were related to the brain mechanisms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
By analysing blood samples from the lovers, Dr Marazitti discovered that serotonin levels of new lovers were equivalent to the low serotonin levels of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients.

Love needs to be blind 
Newly smitten lovers often idealise their partner, magnifying their virtues and explaining away their flaws says Ellen Berscheid, a leading researcher on the psychology of love.
New couples also exalt the relationship itself. “It's very common to think they have a relationship that's closer and more special than anyone else's”. Psychologists think we need this rose-tinted view. It makes us want to stay together to enter the next stage of love – attachment.

Stage 3: Attachment 
Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin - The cuddle hormone

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm.
It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.

Diane Witt, assistant professor of psychology from New York has showed that if you block the natural release of oxytocin in sheep and rats, they reject their own young.
Conversely, injecting oxytocin into female rats who’ve never had sex, caused them to fawn over another female’s young, nuzzling the pups and protecting them as if they were their own.

Vasopressin

Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex.
Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. Its potential role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.
Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction. They also – like humans - form fairly stable pair-bonds.

When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin, the bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

How to Deal with Approach Anxiety

Approach Anxiety:   noun, singular. The fear of approaching and interacting with a stranger you find attractive.

Question:  I have a problem. Every time I come up to a girl I like, it's as though in my mind I already know what say and how to get her to smile. But when I actually talk to a girl, I get too nervous for words and I start to stutter and I forget how to carry on the conversation at all!

If you could help me out, that'd be great.


Answer:  First of all, this is a really common problem. To a certain extent, we all face fear and nervousness when we talk to women or approach them.

There are some things you can do:

1. You need to have a lot more practice.

Practice talking to every woman around you until it's not so scary. Say "hi" or just ask any question under the sun. This will desensitize you to the process of interacting with women.

2. Practice asking the questions OUT LOUD, when you alone.

Keep preparing. Memorize a few questions or routines and say them out loud 20 times a day. The more you feel prepared, the more you will be prepared. Having said what you have to say will give you confidence.

3. Watch and NOT approach.

For a few weeks when you see a girl you want to talk to, consciously DO NOT approach her. Instead, run a practice of what you COULD say in your mind instead. Say those things out loud, later, when you are alone. This again will help it feel natural when you actually do it.

4. Do fear-reducing exercises.

If panic or anxiety is an issue, deal with it. Do deep breathing exercises, visualize yourself being calmer, and create a mental "happy place" to help deal with fear.



Best of luck!