Tuesday, July 22, 2014

It's Not Goodbye - Sweet November MV

It's Not goodbye

And what if I never kiss your lips again
Or feel the touch of your sweet embrace
How would I ever go on
Without you there's no place to belong

Well someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But 'til it does I'll have an empty heart
So I'll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you thinking of me

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

You'd think I'd be strong enough to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it's so hard to be strong
When you've been missin' somebody so long

It's just a matter of time I'm sure
But time takes time and I can't hold on
So won't you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again

Until the day I'll let you go
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye
'Til I see you again
I'll be right here rememberin' when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

If Tomorrow Never Comes - Ronan Keating

If ever tomorrow never comes, Remember.. I love you my friend.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Ten (10) things you might not know about love

Here are some things you can learn:

1. It can be hard to talk about love in scientific terms
because people have strong pre-existing ideas about it.
The vision of love that emerges from the latest science requires a radical shift. I learned that I need to ask people to step back from their current views of love long enough to consider it from a different perspective: their body's perspective. Love is not romance. It's not sexual desire. It's not even that special bond you feel with family or significant others.
And perhaps most challenging of all, love is neither lasting nor unconditional. The radical shift we need to make is this: Love, as your body experiences it, is a micro-moment of connection shared with another.

2. Love is not exclusive.
We tend to think of love in the same breath as loved ones. When you take these to be only your innermost circle of family and friends, you inadvertently and severely constrain your opportunities for health, growth and well-being.
In reality, you can experience micro-moments of connection with anyone -- whether your soul mate or a stranger. So long as you feel safe and can forge the right kind of connection, the conditions for experiencing the emotion of love are in place.

3. Love doesn't belong to one person.
We tend to think of emotions as private events, confined to one person's mind and skin. Upgrading our view of love defies this logic. Evidence suggests that when you really "click" with someone else, a discernible yet momentary synchrony emerges between the two of you, as your gestures and biochemistries, even your respective neural firings, come to mirror one another in a pattern I call positivity resonance. Love is a biological wave of good feeling and mutual care that rolls through two or more brains and bodies at once.

4. Making eye contact is a key gateway for love.
Your body has the built-in ability to "catch" the emotions of those around you, making your prospects for love -- defined as micro-moments of positivity resonance -- nearly limitless. As hopeful as this sounds, I also learned that you can thwart this natural ability if you don't make eye contact with the other person. Meeting eyes is a key gatekeeper to neural synchrony.

5. Love fortifies the connection between your brain and your heart, making you healthier.
Decades of research show that people who are more socially connected live longer and healthier lives. Yet precisely how social ties affect health has remained one of the great mysteries of science.
My research team and I recently learned that when we randomly assign one group of people to learn ways to create more micro-moments of love in daily live, we lastingly improve the function of the vagus nerve, a key conduit that connects your brain to your heart. This discovery provides a new window into how micro-moments of love serve as nutrients for your health.

6. Your immune cells reflect your past experiences of love.
Too often, you get the message that your future prospects hinge on your DNA. Yet the ways that your genes get expressed at the cellular level depends mightily on many factors, including whether you consider yourself to be socially connected or chronically lonely.
My team is now investigating the cellular effects of love, testing whether people who build more micro-moments of love in daily life also build healthier immune cells.

7. Small emotional moments can have disproportionately large biological effects.
It can seem surprising that an experience that lasts just a micro-moment can have any lasting effect on your health and longevity. Yet I learned that there's an important feedback loop at work here, an upward spiral between your social and your physical well-being.
That is, your micro-moments of love not only make you healthier, but being healthier builds your capacity for love. Little by little, love begets love by improving your health. And health begets health by improving your capacity for love.

8. Don't take a loving marriage for granted.
Writing this book has profoundly changed my personal view of love. I used to uphold love as that constant, steady force that all but defines my marriage. While that constant, steady force still exists, I now see our bond as a product of the many micro-moments of positivity resonance that my husband and I have shared over the years. This shakes me out of any complacency that tempts me to take our love for granted. Love is something we should re-cultivate every single day.

9. Love and compassion can be one and the same.
If we reimagine love as micro-moments of shared positivity, it can seem like love requires that you always feel happy. I learned that this isn't true. You can experience a micro-moment of love even as you or the person with whom you connect suffers.

Love doesn't require that you ignore or suppress negativity. It simply requires that some element of kindness, empathy or appreciation be added to the mix. Compassion is the form love takes when suffering occurs.

10. Simply upgrading your view of love changes your capacity for it.
The latest science offers new lenses through which to see your every interaction. The people I interviewed for the book shared incredibly moving stories about how they used micro-moments of connection to make dramatic turnarounds in their personal and work lives.
One of the most hopeful things I learned is that when people take just a minute or so each day to think about whether they felt connected and attuned to others, they initiate a cascade of benefits. And this is something you could start doing today, having learned even just this much more about how love works.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Men and women have different reasons for cheating: A study shows

Why do men cheat? And for that matter, why do women?

Robin R. Milhausen, a sex researcher at the University of Guelph in Ontario, doesn’t claim to have all the answers, but she recently joined forces with two other professors to shed a little light on the subject.

Their study, based on surveys of 918 heterosexual men and women in monogamous relationships, found that 23 percent of male respondents and 19 percent of female respondents reported having cheated on their current partner. The researchers defined infidelity as a sexual interaction “with someone other than your primary partner that could jeopardize, or hurt, your relationship.”

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat

• more sex - the desire for a more active sex life
• sexual variety - the desire for different types of sex or a particular sex act
• opportunistic sex – he’s presented with an opportunity to have sex without getting caught
• to satisfy his sexual curiosity about having sex with a particular person
• to reaffirm his sexuality
• a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it’s a man’s prerogative to cheat)
• the “thrill of the chase”
• ego embellishment - the desire to feel important or special
• peer pressure
• sexual addiction

Milhausen and her colleagues, whose finding were recently published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, were particularly interested in personality and relationship factors associated with cheating.

For women, they found low relationship satisfaction was often tied to infidelity. Women who were unhappy in their relationships were 2.6 times more likely to cheat than women who were satisfied. And women who reported being incompatible with their partner in terms of sexual values and attitudes were 2.9 times more likely to have an affair.

Top 10 Reasons Why Women Cheat

• to fulfill an unmet need for emotional intimacy or a desire close emotional bond
• dissatisfaction with her mate
• dissatisfaction with her marriage or relationship
• a desire for male attention
• reaffirmation of her desirability as a woman
• to re-capture the feelings of romance or passion
• a desire to feel “special”
• boredom or loneliness
• feelings of neglect or being taken for granted
• sexual excitement

One of the findings that surprised Milhausen most was that men who reported higher rates of sexual inhibition because of performance anxiety were more likely to cheat. “If you have sex with someone outside of your relationship, you’ll never have to see them again,” she says. “You won’t have those problems with wounded pride or ego. Or it might be that you need to boost your arousal over the top” and find that a new partner does that.

Men and women who were less concerned about the consequences of their sexual behavior were more likely to cheat, as were people who could be easily aroused.

Still, Milhausen cautions, none of these factors is a guaranteed predictor of infidelity or faithfulness.

Her take-away from the report is that people who want to avoid affairs should be as honest as possible about their needs.

“What do you need to be satisfied in this relationship for the next 50 years?” she asks. “Way more couples need to have those discussions. . . . Isn’t it worth that, rather than have your whole family unit dissolve because you take that risk with another partner outside the relationship?”- Dr.  Dahl Sagucio

Ways To Handle (And Even Love) Toxic People

Identifying the toxic people in your life is usually pretty straightforward. But depending on your coping skills, their desire to change (or not), and the type of relationship you have with that person, how you deal with the situation may differ. Here are three suggestions for handling these challenging relationships.

1. Change your usual response.

Sometimes, people just want to draw you into their ongoing drama. If you refuse to participate, they can’t get the payoff that they crave.

Your old reaction may have been to attack them back, or on the other side of the spectrum, you may have cowered. Choosing a different response may just change how they interact with you.

The dynamic cannot exist if you don’t play the same part. This works best with people who are selectively toxic and only dump on specifically chosen targets. Simply stated, don’t be the perfect target.

2. Be completely honest with them.

Some people revel in their negativity, but there are also those who are unaware of how much they're affecting everyone around them. They don't consider how their behavior is being interpreted and received and only see things from their perspective. Their toxicity has become a bad habit and shedding light on it may be just what's called for.

Lay out exactly how their energy makes you feel. This can be done without losing your head over their actions. Put them on notice that you're not going to tolerate their behavior any longer.

You don’t have to be hostile. A simple reminder such as, “you’re taking your anger out on me again," may help them recognize and subsequently modify their own behavior. This only works with people who have the desire to change their way of being.

3. Love them from a distance.

If someone’s toxic ways are taking a toll on your self-esteem and you have tried all else unsuccessfully, you have to back away for the sake of your sanity. Even blood ties are not enough to justify the voluntary deterioration of your well-being.

Granted, there are exceptions such as a sick parent for whom you are the caretaker. But if, for example, your sibling is being controlling and abusive, staying around them is not going to help anything.

If you can’t swim and the other party doesn’t want to be saved, there is nothing else to be done. It’s harsh, but it’s true. You simply can’t force someone to change. Their motivation has to come from within. Sometimes, distance is the precursor to that motivation. Either way, you shouldn’t have to pay the price with your peace of mind. That helps no one.

In conclusion, remember that most negative people are negative for a reason. Perhaps they have been deeply hurt in the past and now use their venom to keep others at a distance. Perhaps their toxicity is a power play to boost their own lack of confidence.

We all have walls we put up. Just remember that with toxic people, the walls are thicker but are painfully obvious.