Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Rose (song)

"The Rose" is a classic pop song written by Amanda McBroom and made famous by Bette Midler who recorded it for the soundtrack of the 1979 film The Rose in which it plays under the closing credits.

"The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

"The Rose" was first recorded by Bette Midler for the soundtrack of the 1979 film The Rose in which it plays under the closing credits. However the song was not written for the movie: Amanda McBroom recalls, "I wrote it in 1977 [or] 1978, and I sang it occasionally in clubs. ... Jim Nabors had a local talk show, and I sang ["The Rose"] on his show once."

 According to McBroom she wrote "The Rose" in response to her manager's suggestion that she write "some Bob Seger-type tunes" to expedite a record deal: McBroom obliged by writing "The Rose" in forty-five minutes. Said McBroom: "'The Rose' is ... just one verse [musically] repeated three times. When I finished it, I realized it doesn't have a bridge or a hook, but I couldn't think of anything to [add]."

McBroom's composition was one of seven songs selected by Midler from thirty song possibilities proffered by Paul A. Rothchild, the producer of The Rose soundtrack album. Reportedly Rothchild had listened to over 3,000 songs in order to assemble those thirty possibilities.
Released as the second single from the The Rose soundtrack album, "The Rose" hit number 1 on the Cashbox Top 100 and peaked at number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Additionally, it was number 1 on the Adult Contemporary chart for five weeks running. The single was certified Gold by the RIAA for over a million copies sold in the United States.

Midler won the Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "The Rose", beating out formidable competition from Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer among others.
There are two mixes of the song. The single mix features orchestration, while the version in the film (and on its soundtrack) includes an extended introduction while doing away with the orchestration in favor of piano-and-vocals only.

"The Rose" did not receive a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Original Song. Despite not having been recorded prior to the soundtrack of the film The Rose, the song had not been written for the film. According to McBroom, AMPAS inquired of her if the song had been written for the movie, and McBroom answered honestly (that it had not). McBroom did however win the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song for "The Rose", as that award's governing body, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), does not share AMPAS' official meticulousness over a nominated song's being completely original with its parent film.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Let Her Go

Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go...
And you let her go.

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow, and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go ooooh ooooh oh no

And you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no

Well you let her go

ooooh ooooh oh no

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Friday, August 5, 2016

True Feelings of Love..

It is best to understand how you feel and understand it. The true ways of Love is what you do everyday and little things that you show you care. I think a lot of people don’t understand what true Love is . Anyone can offer things like flowers, candies and buy you jewelries. But these do not give its true meaning.

 The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. 

The way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. It’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. True love is romantic. True love  isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in gestures. – Unknown

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

When Is the Right Time to Reveal Your Secret?

Your rule of thumb should be this:

If it still impacts your life today -  a felony conviction, a sexually transmitted disease, a history of cheating, or 42 children by 82 different women - then the person you’re dating needs to know about it pretty soon. They have the right to make a decision based on whether or not this is something they want to deal with.  

Now, if you were smoking some dope and drinking on the weekends back in college and have no current drug or alcohol issues, then there’s no story to tell, other than you were an idiot in college. The information you need to provide should have a direct bearing on your life today (and therefore, the other person’s life as well by virtue of him or her being in a relationship with you).

If you do choose to reveal something minor about your past, you have got to do it slowly and not reveal too much too soon. The other person may not know you well enough to put it into context. Also, be prepared to reciprocate. You’re not the only one with stuff. Every human being has stuff. If they match your revelation with one of theirs, make it an opportunity to give the very thing you hope to get, which is kindness, compassion, and understanding. That doesn’t mean you have to date them or that they have to date you. The information might be a deal-breaker.

Finally, if you lay a bomb on somebody, you’d better give them the time they need to digest it. If they decide it’s not something they want to deal with, then you have to respect that.

Credit: Dr

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Sex Schedule Increases Excitement : How To Do Scheduling The Right Way

On the agenda: Meeting with the boss at 3:30 p.m., yoga at 6 p.m., dinner at 7 p.m., and, oh look, you’ll be doing it at 9:40 p.m.

Scheduled sex might just sound like another pop-up notification on your Google calendar to get through, but most sexperts stand strongly behind it: “It's notspontaneous, but it’s more likely to happen," says Dr Terri Orbuch, relationship expert and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great.

And it doesn’t mean the sex is less satisfying, fun, or intimate, says Orbuch. One fan of the practice says that if she and her partner didn't plan ahead, getting down just wouldn't happen. “My boyfriend works in consulting and travels four days a week, so I know that night he comes back, we’re getting after it," says 29-year-old Dani C. "If it wasn’t a date, we’d probably both just pass out from exhaustion.”

Want to plan like a pro? “It doesn't have to be about settling on missionary every Wednesday at 8:05 p.m.," says sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., author of The Married Sex Solution. "It's all about prioritizing sex so you find those five, 10, or 20 minute opportunities to get frisky the way you used to."

That being said, there are certain times your libidos are more likely to be in sync. Check ‘em out:

In the A.M.
Rise and grind, baby. “Testosterone is higher for both men and women in the morning, so if you can set your alarm clock 20 minutes earlier or jump into the shower together, you should be primed and ready to go,” says Van Kirk. And that extra rush of endorphins might be the magic you need to plow through a crummy work commute.

After the Gym
Odds are you’re feeling damn good about your body after sweating it out, and that cardio or resistance training has given your testosterone levels a boost again. (Maybe this is where the whole sex-with-my-trainer-fantasy comes from?) Research even shows that working out can fire up your desire to get down. One study from the University of Texas at Austin found that when women cycled for 20 minutes and then watched an X-rated film, there was a serious boost in blood flow to their genitals from the exercise—pretty awesome orgasm fodder.

From 7 to 9 p.m.
Lots of us are partial to an afternoon delight, but are we really going to scamper out of work for a quickie at 2 p.m? Nah. But, according to the National Sleep Foundation, a quarter of us skip sex because we’re too tired, so forget about waiting until you’re both bleary-eyed in bed.

Instead, your best bet is to get after it during a Bachelorette commercial break. “Maybe it’s just oral and a make out or a 10-minute quickie—it still counts,” says Van Kirk. So go ahead and pencil in that P in V time.

from Women's Health

Sunday, June 26, 2016

The Difference Between Sex and Love for Men

As a woman with my own personal history of serial monogamy, I have come to realize that some men channel their need for love, intimacy, soothing, care, and comfort into sexual desire.
Here are some examples:
Dylan wants sex when he feels sad because he likes the comfort the physical holding provides. Dylan, like most people, wants to be held when he is sad. In fact, the need to be held when we feel sad is biologically programmed into our brains.
Jonathan wants sex when he’s lonely. He believes it is weak to let someone know that he feels lonely and wants company. Alternatively, he thinks it is acceptable to find and ask for sex, which satisfies his need for human connection.
Sexual excitement is a core emotion. And, as we know from research on emotions, each core emotion has a “program” that has evolved over thousands of years for survival purposes. This “program” causes specific physical sensations and impulses to arise inside us at the moment when a particular emotion is triggered.
Sexual excitement is often physically felt as sensations in the groin area with an impulse to seek orgasmic release. Sadness, anxiety, loneliness, anger, and fear are other emotions that can combine with sexual excitement. The mashup of the tender emotions with sexual excitement is the brilliant way the mind can make sure core human needs are met in consciously covert yet culturally acceptable ways.

Mental health is improved by being in touch with the full range of our core emotions. Therefore, it is in our best interest to know which core emotions are present and driving our desire for sex. Is it pure sexual excitement? Is it a need for comfort? Is it a need for connection?
Knowing the culture of masculinity we live in, it should not come as a surprise that some men feel they have to sublimate tender and “needy” feelings into sexual desire. In the documentary “The Mask We Live In,” filmmaker Jennifer Siebel Newsom follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to their authentic selves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity. If men and boys could own the full range of their emotions, not just anger and sexual excitement, we would see trends in depression  and anxiety decrease.

Here’s why:

When we block our core emotions (sadness, fear, anger) and needs for intimacy (love, companionship, sharing of feelings, closeness) men and women develop symptoms including anxiety, shame, and depression. Symptoms go away when we become reacquainted with our core emotions.
This first step to wellness comes from understanding that it is normal for both men and women to experience sadness, fear, love, anger, and longing for connection both sexual and through talking about our thoughts and feelings with each other. Needs for affection and love are as “masculine” as needs for strength, power, and ambition. Emotions are not for the weak, they are for the human.

Although things are slowly changing, the two main emotions that are most acceptable for men to display are still sexual excitement and anger. The more tender emotions including fear, sadness, love, need, and longing are still considered “unmanly” to express. So it is not surprising that the tender emotions, which have to be expressed in some way, get bound to sexuality. In fact, channeling needs for comfort and soothing into sex is actually a clever compromise. After all, during sex men can unabashedly get held, stroked, kissed, hugged, and loved up all under the acceptable guise of a very manly act — that of sexual prowess. But we can do better by helping to change the culture of masculinity so it is in sync with our biology.
Top Five Things Men and Women Can Do for Men
  1. Educate and normalize the scientific fact that we all have the same universal core emotions: sadness, fear, anger, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement.
  2. Inform the men in your life that the need to connect with others and share one’s true feelings and thoughts is normal for all humans, and not specific to sex and gender.
  3. Invite the men in your life to share their feelings and thoughts (especially the ones they are ashamed about) while also stressing the point that you will not judge them as weak or feminine for sharing vulnerabilities.
  4. Know that humans are complex creatures. We all have weak and strong parts. It’s important to hold all aspects of us simultaneously. That’s the way people feel whole and complete.

 Source :

Friday, June 17, 2016

How to Close the Door After an Affair

Temptation mixed with opportunity is a recipe for people to stray — especially during difficult or lonely times in a marriage. Those times can include the aftermath of an affair.
An affair that is suddenly exposed or ends poses a particular risk situation for a vulnerable marriage with an unfaithful spouse. Feelings of loss, conflict and pressure can make it difficult to let go of the illicit relationship, compounding the lure that led to the affair in the first place.
Effectively establishing closure with the affair partner — including ceasing all contact — helps guard against relapse and is an important beginning gesture toward restoring trust in the marriage. This is not the time to rely on good intentions and discipline alone.
Affairs happen in up to 45 percent of marriages. Although often overlooked and underestimated, opportunity is a primary risk factor. Opportunity poses the most danger when people:
  • are not onto themselves and fail to accurately assess their vulnerability to acting on temptation;
  • fail to consciously register the potential affair partner’s intentions;
  • do not make an explicit decision, or plan, to protect themselves from acting out.
Taking steps to remove temptation and close the door securely protects the unfaithful spouse from continued secret contact during the chaotic transition out of the affair relationship. The unfaithful spouse not only feels guilty about having the affair, but often feels torn and guilty about ending the affair relationship. During the goodbye process, he or she is prone to give the affair partner mixed signals, even if unconsciously.
The email below was written by Michael to the “other woman” after he was found out by his wife. See if you can find the problems in this goodbye email intended to finalize the affair.
 Dear Jane,
I am sorry but I can’t see you anymore right now. The worst has happened. My wife found out about us and forbids me to have any more contact with you. I wish things could be different and that you and I could be together.
I hope you can understand that I have to try to see if my marriage can work for my kids. I know I can’t ask you to wait for me though, but who knows what the future will bring? I will always love you and will hold you in my heart.
If you want to talk, I can try to make that happen so we can say goodbye in person.
Love always,
Michael fell into all the common traps: blaming his wife instead of owning his decision; expressing longing; wavering; feeding the attachment; failing to align himself with his wife; failing to set a boundary around his marriage; offering hope and leaving the door open for continued cheating.
These pitfalls not only risk Michael’s chances of restoring his marriage, but also lead Jane on, making it harder for her to let go and recover. Jane predictably read between the lines, searching for hope and encouragement — and affirmation that this farewell message was for not for real.
Jane identified the following traps:
  • Can’t– doesn’t take responsibility and own his decision
  • Right now– implies hope for the future
  • The worst has happened– reinforces this is not what he wants
  • My wife forbids– blames wife, fails to take responsibility and doesn’t own the ending as his decision
  • I wish …– reinforces desire
  • For my kids– fails to show shift in allegiance to his wife
  • Wait for me…who knows what the future– offers hope
  • I will always love you…– feeding the attachment
  • Talk…in person – opens the door to temptation and likely acting out
In ending an affair, the unfaithful spouse often suffers grief, feelings of loss and preoccupation with the affair partner. These feelings may need to be processed in the context of therapy where the function and meaning of the affair can be understood, rather than acted upon. Successful endings of affairs typically do not involve processing feelings with the affair partner because the likelihood of doing so will further intensify the attachment and lead to re-engagement. If there is something else that needs to be said, it should be with the spouse’s full awareness and consent.
People who have difficulty emotionally letting go of the affair partner even after having cut off contact usually are continuing the relationship in their minds through remembering and fantasizing. Fantasy provides the fuel for affairs — leading up to them, perpetuating them, and then making it difficult to back away or let go. Swept away by the addictive, intoxicating power of the “rush,” romantic fantasy and infatuation is confused with the complexity of intimate relationships and real life. The failure to believe that one is caught in a fantasy drives the process, leading to the false belief that this feeling is sustainable and a rigged comparison with a marital relationship.
The goal of the final communication with the affair partner is to break the cycle of temptation and opportunity by demonstrating a shift in allegiance to the spouse, and dispelling hope that the affair will continue now or in the future. A simple “Dear John or Jane” email is indicated, and should be done with full transparency with one’s spouse. The essential message should be that the affair partner is unwelcome now and that any future attempts to communicate will not get a response. Since this is the point of the email, there is no way to spare Jane from feeling rejected without sabotaging the purpose of the email. Paul’s letter below is an example of good-bye email that effectively delivers the message and functions as a bridge to repair his marriage:
Dear Jane,
I have made a decision. I want to be with my wife and family. I no longer want to continue our relationship or keep any secrets from my wife. Everything is out in the open. I realize now that I used poor judgment in getting involved in this in the first place and am sorry for that. I plan to get help to understand how I could betray my own values as well as my family.
I know this is abrupt but that is the only way. We both knew the risks we were taking. Please respect my decision to no longer have any contact. I will no longer respond to any email, text, calls or other attempts to communicate with me.
Paul’s email anticipates what might happen. He discourages further reconnection, and sets a firm boundary to pave the way for a clearing for him and his wife.
Many marriages shattered by affairs can be repaired and come out stronger, but they only have a chance once the unfaithful spouse has let go of his attachment to the affair partner. Predicting and planning for risky situations reduces opportunity and temptation, and is a good way to protect oneself from becoming overtaken by feelings and out of control. Defensive strategizing involves being onto oneself, making intentional decisions to set clear boundaries and limits on ourselves, and distancing from behaviors and situations that increase risk.
Alternatively, denying risk, avoiding thoughtful consideration of what’s at stake, minimizing small boundary infractions, or overestimating one’s resolve all set the stage for an eventual crash and the possibility of losing it all.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Who's Happier Post-Divorce: Men or Women?

There are few occasions when it’s easier to play the blame game than after a divorce. And according to a recent survey of 2,000 American men and women by online legal service AVVO, 64 percent of women point the finger at their exes, while only 44 percent of men fault their former spouse.
So why are ladies more likely to give the side-eye to their former hubbies?

 Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a noted sexologist and professor of sociology at the University of Washington, told the service that she suspects the numbers reflect deeply ingrained beliefs about traditional gender roles. “It might be that women believe that self-blame is not empowering, and men may feel as though it’s not masculine to blame their wives,” she says.

That’s not all: Women tend to be happier with their divorces than men, according to the survey. While 73 percent of women said they didn’t regret their split, only 61 percent of men could say the same. The vast majority of women (75 percent, in fact) said they’d prefer to be alone, successful, and happy, rather than be unhappy in a relationship, compared to just 58 percent of men.

“Men are more fearful of being on their own once they’ve been domesticated by their marriage, and even though men are more likely to think that marriage is an outdated institution on principle—they’re more likely to want to stay put even if things aren’t so great," says Schwartz. "Women, on the other hand, prize happiness over marriage, and are less fearful of independence generally.”

Unfortunately, AVVO doesn’t share details about how blame differs depending on the cause of the divorce, nor does it offer conclusions about how it gets portioned out when same-sex marriages dissolve. C’mon, folks—inquiring minds want to know!

from: Women's health

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Why You're Bored with Your Relationship and How to Turn Things Around

You once sat in a Starbucks for seven hours with this person discussing your hopes, dreams, and GoT fan theories and now you’re…bored? How the eff did this happen? Where did the spark go? And more importantly, will it ever come back?
“Oftentimes I hear from young couples a couple years after the wedding that they feel a little bored, and it’s kind of a let down,” says Rachel A. Sussman, L.C.S.W. and author of The Breakup Bible. “The excitement of dating has passed, the excitement of falling in love has passed, the excitement of the engagement and the wedding has passed, then it gets stale."
Here's what it means if your relationship is giving you the yawns—and how to break out of a rut without breaking up.
Step 1: Stop Worrying
If you two have been together for a while, getting bored at some point is pretty inevitable. Phew. 
Our brains are hardwired to look for the newest, most exciting things, says Sussman. (Hello, why do you think Apple gets away with putting out a new iPhone every year?) We get tired of the same old, same old in every aspect of our life—jobs, fitness routines—and that goes for our relationships, too. “Expect it to happen, notice it, and try to make a change,” says Sussman.
So what do you do? Well, you could break up and flit from relationship to relationship, always ending it once you get bored. Or, if you value your S.O. and want to make it work, proceed with the next two steps. After all, runners don’t quit running, they just find a new path.

Step 2: Figure Out the Root Cause
First, determine if this is mere boredom or something bigger. While this problem is super common, it could also hint at underlying issues. Sussman suggests asking yourself these questions to assess the damage: Are you still having 
sex? Are you questioning whether or not you’re attracted to this person? Are you on the same page when it comes to family and friendships? Do you argue over finances or work/life balance? Are you questioning if you have anything in common? Do you feel yourself growing apart? If the answer is yes to any of these, then you’ve got more than just a snooze fest on your hands.

"Expect it to happen, notice it, and try to make a change."

 If you're just feeling a little restless, ask yourself if you're also feeling lost in other areas of your life. “You have to have balance, relationships can’t be your everything,” says Sussman. “Make sure you feel stimulated in your job, in your friendships, and in your relationship. If you want to have a stimulating and exciting life, it’s each person’s responsibility.”
If you're feeling pretty solid in other areas of your life, it's time to have an honest discussion with your partner about what you can do to spice things up.
"If you want to have a stimulating and exciting life, it’s each person’s responsibility." 

Step 3: Make a Plan
Now, the fun part. Sussman says she and her husband solved their relationship boredom by planning a vacation together. “Not only did we plan a trip to Italy, we decided to take Italian lessons for the whole six months leading up to it," she says. "We studied together, we quizzed each other, we cooked Italian food on the weekends. So by the time we got on our trip, it was so enhanced because of that.”
Try and pinpoint what part of your relationship is boring you. Is it the lulls in conversation? Hit up a museum or read a book together to get things flowing. Has your sex life become routine? Change things up with naked Sundays. No shared hobbies? Try something new, like running a half-marathon together. Whatever the case, the key is to get out of the ordinary and mix it up.
Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up—this happens. Use it as an opportunity to have fun and learn a thing or two.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

This article must be a warning to gentlemen. prevent this to happen. Learn frm the video.

12 Reasons Why Women Leave The Men They Love

This article must be a warning to gentlemen. prevent this to happen. Learn frm the video.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Real Reason You’re Unlucky in Love, According to Science

When figuring out whether a new relationship will work, people tend to focus on a potential partner’s negative traits—even if he or she actually has many positive qualities, according to researched published late last year in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin but making the rounds now. In fact, just one or two negative qualities can be enough justification to stop seeing that person.

“We have a general tendency to attend more closely to negative information than we do to positive information,” Gregory Webster, one of the study’s authors and an associate professor of psychology at the University of Florida, said in a statement released Monday.

The study, conducted by researchers from the University of Florida, Western Sydney University, Indiana University, Singapore Management University, and Rutgers University, examined information from six independent studies to determine the top relationship deal breakers and the effect they have on the formation of romantic relationships.

The top deal breakers, in no particular order, were unattractiveness, unhealthy lifestyle, undesirable personality traits, differing religious beliefs, limited social status, differing mating strategies, and differing relationship goals.

Interestingly, the findings show that women and people in committed relationships are generally more sensitive to deal breakers than other segments of the population. Friendships, on the other hand, are not as strongly affected by negative traits. But some deal breakers, like dishonesty, are universally avoided.

“Things that can harm are generally more important [to pay attention to] than things that can help you,” Webster said. But it’s important to note that what’s considered a deal breaker for some may be a deal maker for others. For example, some individuals may be attracted to an impulsive person—others will prefer someone more predictable.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Amazing Side Effects Of Being in Love

Being in love can influence a lot of things in your life.
And apparently, it could have a pretty neat effect on your personality, too. Being in a relationship could help people who are typically more neurotic become more confident and see the world more positively, according to a new study published in the Journal of Personality.

Neuroticism is one of the "Big Five" traits that psychologists use to describe a person's personality. Someone who ranks high in the trait often feels anxious, hostile, or sad, says study author Christine Finn, Ph.D., of Friedrich-Schiller-University Jena. Everyone falls somewhere on the neuroticism continuum, she says.
In the current study, researchers examined 245 couples four times over the course of nine months. The participants, all ages 18 to 30, answered questions about their current relationship and questions to gauge their level of neuroticism.

They were also asked about hypothetical relationship situations, which were meant to gauge if the person had a tendency to interpret ambiguous situations negatively—something that neurotic people tend to do. For example, one question asked participants what they would think if their partner hadn't said "I love you" in a while and made note of how they reacted.

Get this: Levels of neuroticism decreased in participants over the course of nine months. And even though they only decreased a small amount overall, that's because personality traits are pretty stable, and nine months doesn't allow too much time for change, says Finn. Interestingly, some of the people showed larger drops in neuroticism than others, and these people also became less likely to turn ambiguous scenarios into negative ones. Basically, people in relationships were starting to mellow out a bit.

"We found out that being in a relationship may change the way with which neurotic persons perceive the world," says Finn. "That is, when looking through their glasses, the world has become brighter and more positive. And this more positive thinking helps them to overcome their negative feelings and to mature in their personality."

Also neat: Even people who don't rate high for neuroticism can reap some of these benefits from a relationship. "Someone who is already self-confident and feels positive even in stressful situations may become even more positive," says Finn. "One may say that people in general benefit from a relationship but that neurotic persons benefit the most."

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Is This Love? Teen Tips for Romance and Dating

Love can take you to new highs -- and new lows. You may have the strongest feelings of your life, which is great when things are good. But if things go bad, it’s devastating. Here are six dating tips to help you keep your head during this exciting time.

Dating Tip 1: Take Your Time

Some teens date, some don’t. “Girls need to feel good about themselves before they start to date,” says Charles Wibbelsman, MD, chief of adolescent medicine at Kaiser Permanente in San Francisco. His advice: only date if you know yourself and know you want to date. If you’re not ready, it’s cool to stay single and hang out with your close friends.

Dating Tip 2: Find Someone Who Likes You Back

Feelings that aren’t returned can make you question everything about yourself. Did you say something wrong? Were you wearing the wrong things? In a healthy relationship, the feelings are mutual. You respect each other and have fun together. If this doesn’t describe your situation, there’s nothing wrong with you, but you probably do need to keep looking.

Dating Tip 3: Know When to Move On

Sometimes you have to admit it, the relationship isn’t working. Maybe the love of your life has turned mean and selfish. Maybe you realize you want something better. “If a boyfriend doesn’t give you what you need, walk away,” says Danielle Greaves, MSW, who works with girls at The Guidance Center in Cambridge, Mass. She tells girls all the time, “It hurts now, but you can get through this.”

Dating Tip 4: Talk About Facebook Before You Talk on Facebook

Social media puts the ups and downs of dating out there for everyone to see. If you like a guy or he likes you, it’s perfectly OK to ask him not to post things about you online, including pictures. Some things don’t have to be shared with the whole world. 

Dating Tip 5: Protect Yourself From Pressure

Pressure is not love, and it’s not even normal. Most teens say they’ve never felt pressured to be in a relationship before they were ready. Still, a little mental preparation never hurts. Decide ahead of time what your values are and how far you want to go. That way, you won’t have to figure it out in the heat of the moment.

Here are a few concrete things you can do to keep yourself out of the pressure chamber:

Avoid situations where a guy might expect more than you want to give.   
Go out with boys close to your age. Girls who go out with older guys are more likely to have sex before they’re ready.

Dating Tip 6: Give Love Time to Grow

Sometimes the idea of love is better than love itself. How do you know if you’re really in love?

If you’re infatuated, need constant reassurance, and have trouble thinking about anything else, these are signs you’re not really in love. It’s fun for now, but in time you’ll probably feel disappointed.   

Mature love grows stronger with time. The more you get to know each other, the stronger your feelings. And you don’t have to be someone you’re not. You like each other for who you truly are. If you’re like most people, finding mature love takes more than one try, but it’s definitely worth it.