Saturday, June 24, 2017

A Lesson from a Divorced Man




This man is a psychologist (name withheld) who has been through a rough divorce. A few years ago, he wrote an amazing post that beautifully describes the lessons learned through this tough process, and importantly, valuable advice for all married men.


His words remain timeless.
He says,  “After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I could have had…”


What does he wish he could have had?
Dads, husbands reading this - this advice is solid. This advice is real. And if you think your relationship could do with a breath of fresh air right now, then this is it.


1. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable
Your wife is attracted to and loves your masculinity. But this doesn't mean you should remain stony-faced even when you are tearing up inside. Rogers' advice is  to "be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes." You can't go wrong with this formula.




2. Don't make it all about the cash
Yes, you need money to survive in this mean world. But if you find yourself having more and more arguments with your wife about cash, stop. The advise is to find ways to work with your partner as a team to win the money together. Both of you have strengths, use these in order to win.


3. Grow together
In Rogers' beautiful words: "The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards."


4. No skeletons in the closet
The foundation of a good relationship is trust and if you want to have her trust, then you need to open up to her about everything. It takes courage to open up your deepest heart, even as you are not sure that she will like what she hears or sees. Let her see your shades of light and darkness as these imperfections make you perfect in her eyes.



5. Never stop dating her
You might have two kids and 10 years of marriage behind you. But never, ever take your woman for granted - she deserves to be loved, to be cherished as much as the very first day you met her and knew she was the one. She is your treasure - show her this is little ways to remind her of this.
 
6. Find ways to fall in love with her daily
"You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her."
The truth!




7. Finally, CHOOSE LOVE! 
Ultimately, this is your magic charm, this is the only advice you'll need. As Rogers points out, if this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage."
Love will always endure.

from: theasianparent.com

Saturday, May 27, 2017

The Practice of Saying No Is a Good Thing



Why Saying No in Your Relationship Is a Good Thing.

Many of us hate hearing the word “No.” And many of us don’t like saying it either. You might be especially uncomfortable with saying no to your partner. Often people think that going along with their partner’s requests will be good for their relationship.

Less disagreement equals less conflict, they assume. Some people don’t even get that far. They just have a hard time voicing their opinions or needs altogether.
But saying yes all the time when you don’t really mean it can actually backfire and damage your relationship. For instance, it can build resentment, according to Andrew Wald, LCSW-C, a psychotherapist who works with couples and co-author of Togetherness: Creating and Deepening Sustainable Love. You also may become enmeshed as a couple and less of your own person, he said.

By saying no, you’re creating a boundary. And boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. Unfortunately, boundaries tend to get a bad rap, Wald said, because they’re viewed as keeping partners away from each other.



But it’s just the opposite. Boundaries help you better understand your partner, know their needs and respond to them – thereby bringing you that much closer.

The reality is that everyone’s needs are different. Wald shared an example from his own 39-year marriage. When they were just newlyweds, Wald’s wife fell off her bike coming around a corner. He jumped off his bike and raced over to her. But before he could help, she put her hand up and told him to stay away. Wald was taken aback and felt rejected.

When they talked about it later that night, his wife explained that she was used to and preferred comforting herself. What Wald thought was a kind gesture felt like an intrusion to his wife. Wald’s wife also prefers being left alone when she’s sick, while he prefers attention and affection. Both of them do their best to honor each other’s different needs.

Remember that you deserve to have your own — and different — opinion and to voice it, Wald said. Articulating a different point of view doesn’t mean you’re asserting that you’re better than your partner; it means you’re not less, he said.

Also, keep in mind that setting a boundary isn’t the same as saying no to your relationship. Rather you’re saying no to a specific idea or event, he said. Speak up when something negatively affects your well-being or sense of self, he said.

Take the example of a husband who wanted to have sex every night. His wife felt horrible about herself, and finally talked about it with her husband. If she hadn’t, she’d continue to feel bad, which would chip away at her self-esteem, Wald said.

It also could be as simple as needing some alone time when you get home from work. Rather than your partner thinking that you’re avoiding them, let them know that you just need 20 minutes to unwind, Wald said.

Saying no is a way of nurturing and empowering yourself, he said. And it encourages your partner to do the same, he said. This also creates good will, he added. Neither partner feels taken advantage of. Also, both partners can focus on practicing good self-care.

It’s important to talk about your boundaries with “love, care and empathy,” Wald said. And only have discussions when you’re both calm. If your conversation is escalating, he suggested taking a time-out and considering how you can improve your talk.


Saying no might seem like taking a negative stance. But it’s actually a good thing for you, your partner and your relationship.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The Five Flirting Styles

The Five Flirting Styles  will help you realize what you can do differently by discovering what you already do well. You will get individualized feedback about your own flirting style from an online inventory, and learn how each style is related to love, sex, personality, and dating.

Here are the five styles:



Physical
Like to flirt without saying a single word? Or do you like to let your body do all the talking to grab the attention of that special someone you have your eye on? Picture this scenario: when you start laughing, your hand naturally goes to touch the other person’s knee. This is a sure fire way to drive that point home that you are super interested without a word passing your lips!

Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest through body language. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly and have more sexual chemistry with their partners.


Polite
The least obvious and is loved by the quietly reserved and the introverted amongst us. There is a downside to being polite though and that is that no one may even notice that you are flirting! However, the upside of polite flirts is that they are often the most genuine, so what’s not to love?!

The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners and non-sexual communication. While polite flirts are less likely to come on to a potential partner and generally do not find flirting flattering, they tend to have longer, more meaningful romantic relationships.



Playful

People with the playful flirting style flirt with little interest in romance. Flirting is fun and a boost to their self-esteem. They flirt for its own sake – no romantic strings attached.

This method of flirting could be classified as the most controversial. People who use flirting as a tool, rather than actually engaging in flirting because they are interested in someone fall into this category. For example, do you flirt to get your own way or to manipulate a situation? Or perhaps flirting is a means to an end for you? Then you are a playful flirt! Some advice: keep in mind all those hearts you have broken from sending mixed signals, they may come back to haunt you!



Sincere

This is by far the most common type of flirting. Seeing someone from across the room that takes your fancy and you want to break the ice with them by complimenting their style or what newspaper they may be reading is an easy and subtle flirting style. This manner of flirting is a quick route to finding common ground that may lead to emotional ties, which flourish into a relationship. Even if it doesn’t go past a friendship then that’s still a bonus as you can never have too many friends!

Sincere flirting involves creating an intense emotional connection and communicating sincere interest. Sincere flirts have meaningful romantic relationships that put emotional connection first and sexual chemistry second.





Traditional
Traditional flirts believe men should make the first move and women should not pursue men.
By taking a more passive role in dating, women with this style are likely to report trouble getting men’s attention and are less likely to be direct. Likewise, traditional men often know a potential partner for a longer time before approaching them.


In this category, men are much more likely to make the first move while women are happy to sit back and wait for their knight in shining armor to come galloping along on their white horse. Ok, a girl can dream! A good example of where you can see this style of flirting in action is in online dating. Traditional flirting is increasing in popularity and women can sit back and literally take their pick. If traditionalists are your style, then it is important to have an appealing profile picture to entice them to make their move!





Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Rose (song)



"The Rose" is a classic pop song written by Amanda McBroom and made famous by Bette Midler who recorded it for the soundtrack of the 1979 film The Rose in which it plays under the closing credits.

"The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.


 
"The Rose" was first recorded by Bette Midler for the soundtrack of the 1979 film The Rose in which it plays under the closing credits. However the song was not written for the movie: Amanda McBroom recalls, "I wrote it in 1977 [or] 1978, and I sang it occasionally in clubs. ... Jim Nabors had a local talk show, and I sang ["The Rose"] on his show once."

 According to McBroom she wrote "The Rose" in response to her manager's suggestion that she write "some Bob Seger-type tunes" to expedite a record deal: McBroom obliged by writing "The Rose" in forty-five minutes. Said McBroom: "'The Rose' is ... just one verse [musically] repeated three times. When I finished it, I realized it doesn't have a bridge or a hook, but I couldn't think of anything to [add]."




McBroom's composition was one of seven songs selected by Midler from thirty song possibilities proffered by Paul A. Rothchild, the producer of The Rose soundtrack album. Reportedly Rothchild had listened to over 3,000 songs in order to assemble those thirty possibilities.
Released as the second single from the The Rose soundtrack album, "The Rose" hit number 1 on the Cashbox Top 100 and peaked at number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Additionally, it was number 1 on the Adult Contemporary chart for five weeks running. The single was certified Gold by the RIAA for over a million copies sold in the United States.

Midler won the Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "The Rose", beating out formidable competition from Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer among others.
There are two mixes of the song. The single mix features orchestration, while the version in the film (and on its soundtrack) includes an extended introduction while doing away with the orchestration in favor of piano-and-vocals only.

"The Rose" did not receive a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Original Song. Despite not having been recorded prior to the soundtrack of the film The Rose, the song had not been written for the film. According to McBroom, AMPAS inquired of her if the song had been written for the movie, and McBroom answered honestly (that it had not). McBroom did however win the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song for "The Rose", as that award's governing body, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), does not share AMPAS' official meticulousness over a nominated song's being completely original with its parent film.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Let Her Go



Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go...
And you let her go.

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow, and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go ooooh ooooh oh no

And you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no

Well you let her go

ooooh ooooh oh no

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go


Friday, August 5, 2016

True Feelings of Love..





It is best to understand how you feel and understand it. The true ways of Love is what you do everyday and little things that you show you care. I think a lot of people don’t understand what true Love is . Anyone can offer things like flowers, candies and buy you jewelries. But these do not give its true meaning.

 The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. 



The way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. It’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. True love is romantic. True love  isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in gestures. – Unknown