How to Deal with Approach Anxiety

Approach Anxiety:   noun, singular. The fear of approaching and interacting with a stranger you find attractive.

Question:  I have a problem. Every time I come up to a girl I like, it's as though in my mind I already know what say and how to get her to smile. But when I actually talk to a girl, I get too nervous for words and I start to stutter and I forget how to carry on the conversation at all!

If you could help me out, that'd be great.


Answer:  First of all, this is a really common problem. To a certain extent, we all face fear and nervousness when we talk to women or approach them.

There are some things you can do:

1. You need to have a lot more practice.

Practice talking to every woman around you until it's not so scary. Say "hi" or just ask any question under the sun. This will desensitize you to the process of interacting with women.

2. Practice asking the questions OUT LOUD, when you alone.

Keep preparing. Memorize a few questions or routines and say them out loud 20 times a day. The more you feel prepared, the more you will be prepared. Having said what you have to say will give you confidence.

3. Watch and NOT approach.

For a few weeks when you see a girl you want to talk to, consciously DO NOT approach her. Instead, run a practice of what you COULD say in your mind instead. Say those things out loud, later, when you are alone. This again will help it feel natural when you actually do it.

4. Do fear-reducing exercises.

If panic or anxiety is an issue, deal with it. Do deep breathing exercises, visualize yourself being calmer, and create a mental "happy place" to help deal with fear.



Best of luck!